beautiful isn’t she?

work yesterday ended up being a total drag – the invoices were rolled out at 3pm and HAD to be sent today in that way they always do… lots of little things to tick me off… we’ve changed our letterhead so i had to redo all the templates etc etc… and i was still feeling less than fabulous as a result of the weekend i guess. it’s hard to get out of bed these mornings, especially when it’s just gone cold and chilly again. i hate that. especially when you have to get up and use the bathroom in the middle of the night. you could freeze something off in those circumstance.

anyway – finally got away from work at about 5.55pm. which makes me grumpy… because well.. here goes.

the invoicing doesn’t take that long – just a couple of hours. but when they brig them out at the end of the day simply because they didn’t get a move on earlier and i end up having to stay late.. ergh!! but i can’t really complain because i’m one of the few who can escape normally exactly when the clock hits 5pm. ugh. grumpy. nevermind.

so then i went to cath and lawrences for dinner which was really cool. cath rang yesterday and she apologised for telling simon .. said that she explained to him exaclty what it was and wasn’t etc, but he still went spazzo. i said that it was totally cool – i wasn’t mad with her for a second. so she invited me over for dinner. it was family night and date night for cath and lawrence. the kids were playing monopoly junior (cute game) when i got there and molly was being fed. the kids were super excited.. it was really cute to see them all hyped up. they totally love family night. and then we decided to go to Burger King for dinner. Henry and Malissa both wanted to go in my car, so they had to take turns in the front seat. it was very cute. afterwards we headed back to the tagaloa pad and i took some photos of molly jsut before they put her in teh bath and to bed. supercute.

then i went to the movies.. i jsut felt like chilling out before heading to the kings arms for the Rodger Fox Big Band. went to see Rabbit-Proof Fence.

it was breathtaking. philip noyce is a legendary director, but a part of me remained skeptical of his ability to come down from the thrillers of hollywood (ie: Dead Calm and the Bone Collector) to something much quieter and personal. still powerful.. perhaps even more so because of it’s nature and histrorical context. this story is unbelievable but magical. it’s the kind of story that inspires you to be better than what you were yesterday.

then i headed to the kings arms. i haven’t been there for a while. no cover charge, being a monday and well… it’s rodger fox you know? but dirty old rodger fox did put on a good show. had a great chat to roper as i quaffed on a pint of Guinness. it must had been a bad monday – you wouldn’t normally find me on that stuff til the end of the week. but it was good. letting it sit the full five minutes before sinking into that glorious creamy head and smooth ale below was like a back massage after a gig. perfect in it’s paradox. nice. roper and i talked about his day – he’s a second year architecture and design student.. so still a long way to go. but one of his tutors had sent him in the pursuit of an older book called the Periodic Table by Primo Levi. it was interesting to hear roper respond to what he had read… here’s an excerpt for those who don’t want to follow the yellow brick road to the nuggets of gold.

“Writer Primo Levi (1919-1987), an Italian Jew, did not come to the wide attention of the English-reading audience until the last years of his life. A survivor of the Holocaust and imprisonment in Auschwitz, Levi is considered to be one of the century’s most compelling voices, and The Periodic Table is his most famous book. Springboarding from his training as a chemist, Levi uses the elements as metaphors to create a cycle of linked, somewhat autobiographical tales, including stories of the Piedmontese Jewish community he came from, and of his response to the Holocaust.

The Periodic Table – An extraordinary work in which each of the 21 chapters takes its title and starting point from one of the elements in the periodic table. Mingling fact and fiction, history and anecdote, Levi uses his training as a chemist and his experiences as a prisoner in Auschwitz to illuminate the human condition.”

Anyway – back to the point.. roper and i were comparing our relatively strange days.. as he put it.. a day that changes you. he had gone to the central library and had to climb to the upper floors to find this book, where he then sat down and started reading.. he fell half asleep as he was reading.. but jsut that one afternoon reading this one book has changed his design track entirely. true, it’s a book that chanes the way you thnk about life and things… but we had both had one of those days where you came back to reality feeling as if you had been somewhere else. for roper it was his book, for me it was the film. and the wakeup in the morning.

i spoke to him about tales of a female nomad, and the vivid dreams that i’ve been having. where the colours and textures of it all seem so refreshing and real that you want to keep dreaming forever… sometimes in this past week when i have woken up i have felt that this is the dream and everything else behind my eyelids is reality – some strange new universe where i can change the settings and the script at my own will and yet i’m still always surprised at the end. i wonder sometimes if God is trying to tell me something in my dreams. (sound familiar dani?)

anyway. jono joined our conversation at which point it took a different turn.. those things can only really be discussed one on one. which was fine, because jono is a dream. jsut fun to hang with and he lets it all hang out. simon arrived shortly after that and the conversation centered fairly rapidly around the boys. i grabbed a bourbon from the bar, swirled it and drank it, then said my goodnights while while walking out the door. it wasn’t that i was in a bad mood or ticked off or anything. more i jsut wanted to go home. i had had enough of monday.

got home and chatted with tere about the whole bizarreness of the day. it was good. she had a good one which i was pleased about. we chatted briefly about andy and andrew. old school friends that we hadn’t seen for a while. in seven years they haven’t changed, their approach to their faith is the same as what it was when they were sixteen. good enoguh for them i suppose but we both find them taxing and trying to be with. it’s jsut frustrating to see them in the land of shallow and bland. then i headed off to bed, picking up my phone to plug it in. sure enough, there was a message. only one person txts me that late at night.

si: hey man, why the big storm-off? are we ok or what?

tere laughed. i jsut about cried. i left because i had nothing left to say and i wanted to go to bed, i said my goodbyes and that was it. no big deal and all of a sudden i’m storming off? i took tere’s advice and ignored til this morning. i’m still ognoring it. i didn’t sleep at all well last night. i kept stressing thinking i should reply but who knows. then i spoke to cath this morning (and yes it was still hard to get out of bed this morning) and she said the same thing – ignore it. she was cracking up laughing. who knows. i feel juvenile and i want to just say nah it’s cool. but how do i say i didn’t storm out, i was just going to bed, but no we are not okay?

part of me wants to give in and jsut say ok, we’re fine, all back to normal. but we’re not. i don’t want to create a pattern by which he gets to let off steam anytime he’s pissed and i jsut get over it. he hurt me and i want him to realise that it’s not okay to treat me that way. but then again, who am i to teach him anything?

ugh. hehe. i love him but i will not be a doormat for him.

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