And Everything That Hurts You Gets Stuffed Up Inside You

Like Butterflies With Wings Or Other Perfect Things

welcome back Adam. we missed your reflections.

6/09/03 – Amsterdam, The Netherlands 2pm

Afternoons in anyplace but home seem to stretch on and on. This one is taking a wonderfully long time to develop into much of anything, which is perfectly fine with me. I seem to have developed an ability to be incredibly lazy for ever lengthening stretches of time. When I was younger and much more aggressively unemployed, I was quite good at this. But as I got older, I lost the knack and turned into something of a workaholic. I’m sure you know what I mean. You’ve seen this sort of thing before. A perfectly good kid, a real Tom Sawyer type, gets older and goes bad, developing all sorts of bad habits along the way like drinking and smoking and, worst of all by far, working all the time.

So I don’t mind telling you that I’m cool with lying around. At least for today. Outside Amsterdam stumbles slowly past the window. I wonder if everyone is stoned. No one is falling in the canal. I’ve never seen anybody fall in one of the canals. How come nobody ever seems to fall in the canals? If I lived here and I still got stoned, I’m sure I would have fallen in a canal by now. And that was then. The weed is way stronger now. Someone showed me a bud yesterday at Pinkpop. The thing looked like it had been grown on another planet. It had big maroon hairs all over it and it was absolutely encrusted with enormous sticky crystals. It looked like a fucking piece of quartz. It scared the shit out of me. It also gave me the craziest Pavlovian reaction. My mouth started to water so much I started to drool. I think if I had smoked it, the canal probably would have come to me. Anyways I didn’t, cuz I don’t. But you know for damn sure everyone else did. I’m outside walking down the street right now and they’re all high as kites. Everyone here is completely out of their tree and yet no one is getting wet.

I think i’ll go push someone in.

I’m off to have chinese food. Too crowded. Thai maybe?

Either way, some food and then back to the hotel for some more dvd watching. So much time, so little to do.


listening to : Time is a Healer – version supplied by Eva Cassidy


with old friends this morning. scott rang to see how i was doing and what was happening with rob and jo. he is going to give rob a call. who knows what kind of response he will get.

called sue to talk about mentoring and the results of the Queens Birthday Weekend, but she wasn’t home. hopefully she will call back soon.

spoke to mum. she is still getting over the flu, she hasn’t been this sick for ages. it’s because she stressed out because of pop.

listening to : People Get Ready – version supplied by Eva Cassidy

Waiting for Phonecalls

from the hospital. they are pretty sure that it is cancer with pop. what they can’t confirm is what kind although it is probably lymphoma as opposed to leukemia. leukemia at this point would mean days, or weeks. lymphoma will mean days, weeks or months. and it’s impossible to know. so he needs to be moved into a nursing hospital. today is his 87th birthday. he was born in 1916. the world was still at war. maybe that explains something about the nature of his character. i will call him later. it seems so strange to be preparing to farewell him so matter of fact.

Sunshine in the Clouds

there is another scan for Baby Caera today.. i watched the video from the last scan this morning. her little face is gorgeous… she looks like byron and jo. which is soo cool. cos byron is very adorable. he was in a really good mood this morning.

Cuddle Tax

we have this thing. it’s called Cuddle Tax. i tell byron that it’s time to pay up and he umms and ahhs. tries to tell me that he will pay it tomorrow… and then charges at me real hard… we hug and then i spin him around. so last night rob came over and brought chinese for dinner, so byron was pretty happy, having both mum and dad there. so when i left to go to music practice i said ‘bye, see ya later’.. and he calls out from the other room… “Cuddle Tax!!!!!”.. and comes bolting through. i started it so that he could use that as a good way of saying that he is feeling sad or needs cuddles. but last night was the first time he used it! i was stoked.

here’s a random useless link for the day… 2000 uses for Peanut Butter

Bedroom of the Month

we do this thing with our youth group kids. we jsut organise with a parent or whoever to video one of their bedrooms. but this month we did a youth leader. which meant that i went by myself to the flat of Steve Binnie and Mike Bunn. excellent. it wasn’t that much of a choice experience to be honest. because like… well i’ll let you think through the reasons for yourself.

Worship Practice

we practised one song over and over. it was good to do what we did. but i was quite tired by the end. the best part of the whole night is the joking and comraderie with my team. they are jsut cool. and it was mostly my team that showed up to rehearsal! nice. i think that we have a good vibe. we did this different thing on sunday night where we trimmed it down to jsut bass, acoustic guitar and kick/snare + hihat) then the vocals. so i lead and we started with jsut chemical brothers, “setting sun” – the instrumental from the soundtrack of the Saint. nice. thanks brendan smith. you rock. anyway. that was playing while a quite from moby was up on the screens. choiceness. then we did about 4 songs very simply, jsut straight through once basically. bringing ourselves before God, laying down ourselves, recognising his Great Love, then acknowledging that our worship isn’t music but it’s our hearts, and that it’s all about Him. then we sang “Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” by U2. dave pierce got up and talked about the song and it’s meaning, about Paul’s word in Phillipians and then we sang the last verse one more time. it was choice as. i was glad that we did it.

Hot Lunch

there is something so comforting about eating a bowl of hot noodles on a winters day. it’s bright blue skies outside, dotted with splashes of asphalt cloud. it sits heavy in the sky the way Caera is sitting in her mother’s belly. somehow heaven seems closer, whe the sky is hanging down with it’s tears. i love the days when the rainclouds sit on the harbour, but the sun keeps shining through on top. casts a strange green-grey light on everything. last night driving home from tranzsend i followed a rainstorm home over the harbour bridge. it was stunning. then last night when i went to bed it was drumming on the roof and the windowpanes. i cocooned myself to sleep. it’s comforting to know that the earth breathes in and enjoys it’s rain as much as i do.


it’s a name that you’re gonna have to get used to around here. so is Rob Kilpatrick. i got a new job yesterday which is an excellent thing as far as my mother and bank balance is concerned. i will be coordinating the DO teams. excellent. tranzsend has been around for years and years… as the mission arm of the NZ Baptists.. Formerly the Baptist Mission Society.. or something… anyway.. face lift, name change and an inspirational and dogmatic leader have meant that i think it will be an exciting parttime job while i am studying and doing the internship at windsorpark.

and i think that brings us to an end…. listening to : Autumn Leaves

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