I Will Hold My Tongue



my bleeding heart

so we said hello. and i think that we are still saying hello. and that’s okay. but it’s got me thinking.

for all the wonders of cyberspace, emails and cellphones, blogs that connect us.. as much as they bring us together, they separate us as well. it means that we have to work harder at living our lives right here where we are, instead of halfway around the world.

the relationships and conversations that i have with people on the other side of the world, and even the other side of the city are somehow cleaner and easier because they don’t always include intonation and expression. i’m given the freedom of interpreting their words in the manner that suits me most.. the absence or presence of sarcasm or a smile doesn’t force me into the speaker’s meaning.

most of the time i love the face to face conversation, but a good portion of my heart lives overseas in the lives of good friends.. especially you. and i can’t wait to talk face to face.

but i’m watching someone caught in two places right now… between where they have been and the experience that continues. even though they are 4000 miles away, it’s possible to still talk everyday and be caught up in the life that continues over there because of msn and email.

there is no right answer… but this much i see to be dangerous about global community… sometimes it’s the very thing responsible for separating you from the local community.

from the God perspective.. i think that we are called to be obedient and to live life in the immediate vicinity we exist in. so if aotearoa is where i am.. that’s where i am, and it’s where i need to live. and i need to be careful about how much of my headspace i devote to places other than right here. otherwise i might miss the point…

aren’t we meant to be available for whereever and whenever the wind blows? so maybe i have to learn a lesson in this… i’m not sure what it is. but i know that for all the emotion i am experiencing in this place.. there must be a lesson. it might require less pride on my part before i’m able to actually talk about it objectively.

right now though.. i almost wish that i was 4000 miles away.

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